Ann Coulter is an insufferable Cunt

Just want to put it out there in the universe - she really is an insufferable cunt. Good Night!

What Color is the Sky on your Planet?

This is an admittedly snarky question I sarcastically ask of someone who has made a statement so profoundly idiotic/misinformed/outright wrong as to cause bleeding from the ears and an overwhelming urge to throttle the pathetic life out of them.

This question has been reverberating through my brain ever since McChimpy chose Tina Fey to be his running-mate.

So, McMaverick thinks Obama is elitist? He of the 7 homes, 13 cars and multi-million dollar second (third?) wife? (I wonder if he forgets how many wives he's had, along with the number of homes?)


McMaverick is suddenly a populist champion of the folks on "Main Street", suspending his campaign in a "country first" attempt to solve the Wall Street Meltdown? Then why did it take him 22 hours to get to DC from NYC, a trip I can make in 3.5 hours on (woefully underfunded) Amtrak? Why did he have time to get powdered up and appear with Katie Couric? Why did he spend most of his "meltdown intervention" time in Virginia at his home there (number 4? number 5? can't recall)? Why did his entire contribution to the bailout process consist of sitting at the end of a table for a photo op, smirking and sweating like a pedophile at a kindergarten party?

So, my over-used sarcastic put-down has now become a very serious question: What color is the sky on your planet? Because you self-evidently don't live on the same Earth that I do. I heartily wish that some McCain/Palin supporter could answer this question... but between spewing hatred for "furriners" and waving the flag over the rapidly decomposing corpse of our Constitution, they probably don't have the free time.

I Loves Me Some John Cleese

A Message adapted and updated from Mr. John Cleese:

To the Citizens of the United States of America:

In light of the strong possibility you are about to elect an elderly gentleman with a bad temper and a lady who thinks she can run foreign policy because she can see Russia from her house as President and President-In-Waiting of the USA and thus to risk Life As We Know It for everyone else on the Planet, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy). She won't actually be in charge, but she'll greet foreign leaders as necessary and not put her foot in it or vomit on anyone at a state dinner.

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. You aren't very good at elections, and unlike the ATM's from the same manufacturer, your voting machines don't give receipts. So Prime Minister Brown will instead choose someone who does not have his or her hand in the till and has significant experience in running Big Things. You have not had one of those for almost a decade and trust me, it is a big plus. And there won't be any of that hanging chad nonsense and the three hour wait for voting while poor or black.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. They have given away too much of your money already to rescue incompetent business executives and soon your American Dollars will resemble Zimbabwean Dollars in total worthlessness. There is no free lunch you know. Although we originally let you get away with secession because King George was robbing you blind, recent events demonstrate that your present leaders are doing much worse things and unfortunately you have not noticed.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether more than half of you still believe Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11. Information to the contrary will again be provided by the rest of the world and we request you read it this time and refrain from invading the wrong country ever again if you possibly can.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as "favour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut" without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up "vocabulary").

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. But we have a lot of Bank Holidays you will enjoy instead. In our country we still have several banks.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline), roughly $9 per US gallon. Get used to it. Your driving armoured cars to buy groceries is unnecessary, boorish and killing the planet.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. And the term Freedom Fries will not be used in future. Lets remember the French were right and you were wrong, though it pains me to say so.

11. We will require that people running things, like your government, are at least moderately competent and not related by blood or bribes to those who benefit from their decisions. We know it makes you more cozy when your leaders know as little as you do, but, honestly, it is short sighted: you need doctors who know more about medicine, pilots who know more about flying and leaders who know more about leading.

12. We respectfully request you give up this notion that Politics is Entertainment, and that very complicated things have to be explained to you in less than fifteen seconds. If you wanted to have a democracy, honestly, you really should have taken the time to understand things a bit before you voted. May I suggest the startling notion that politicians don't need to look good to do a good job? And it really is acceptable if they are a bit boring, so long as they do their homework. It's especially important as evidently you have not done yours. Poor old Al Gore and John Kerry. And by the way, are you happy now that you chose a Governor for California based on his teeth?

13. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth -- see what it did for them.

14. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

15. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby -- the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

16. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first in their country. The seven out of ten who don't own a passport will need to get one first.

17. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

18. An Internal Revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). Although this will raise your taxes, remember that the Neoconservatives will no longer be robbing you blind and so your Dollars will stop shrinking. Didn't you know that inflation and government bailouts of huge companies were really paid for by you? We must do something about your educational system. What on earth is going on over there? Are you oblivious to the crushing debt you are leaving your children? You might as well throttle them now.

19. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 PM with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

God Save the Queen. At least God won't instruct your President to invade any more wrong countries.

Adapted from John Cleese.

Oh, Really...

OK, at the risk of piling on, I gotta say this whole hockey-mom for VP thing has got me ready to kick the next Republitard I meet right in the non-existent, deep-closeted, page-raping, foot-tapping 'nads.

If this doesn't prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that McChimpy is absolutely bat-shit crazy, I don't know what will. Does he really have to smear his face with fecal matter and yell at you on the street before you realize it??? And if so, will that be a stunt on the next "Fear Factor"?

Just Watch.

Anger... what a feeling!

OK, so the previous post may have been a little premature.

Anger is making a comeback... must be something to do with this being an election year. I originally started Angry Homo as a reaction to the Worst. Election. Ever.

4 years later, I find my hackles raised in direct proportion to the number of Fox News stories showing up on the front page of Reddit.

As I write, Barack is giving his acceptance speech for the Democratic nomination. Dare I hope? Do I already write this off thanks to Diebold and the Supreme Court?

I think I need a drink.

a Kinder, Gentler Me

OK, it's official. I'm no longer angry. Tired, frustrated, worn to a nub and generally suffering from a spiritual malaise which would make Sylvia Plath proud... but not angry. As proof, I offer the new blog, NeoYankee.

With nary an f-bomb in sight. What is the world coming to?

It's Official: I Need A Hobby

After 2 months in Connecticut, the sum of my achievements is a blog for our resident pooch, Shirley Le Feu.

Don't get me wrong, she's a wonderful dog, and I've had fun Photoshopping her into a variety of situations.

But, fuck - I've gone from political tirades to putting a dog's face on Queen Victoria?

Oy.

Nutmeg

OK. I've escaped from L.A.

Well, Orange County to be exact.

Yes, it's true. After 4+ years, I'm back in the Eastern time zone. And loving every minute of it - just 3 hours earlier. As of June 3rd, 2006, I am a proud resident of Bristol, CT.

For those of you here on the east coast; fair warning - I'm baa-aaack.
For those of you on the west coast; fair warning - I'll be back. To visit. I miss In 'n Out Burger already.
For those of you in the UK; fair warning - I'm now only 5 hours from Heathrow. Let the duty-free shopping commence.

I am truly in a different world here - no stucco or palm trees in sight. Maple trees all around and a backyard full of fireflies at night. Heaven. Well, Heaven with wicked sales tax and no alcohol sales on Sunday, but you can't have everything.

It's Blue State Bliss for me.

Now, whatthefuck's with the "nutmeg" thing?

Pat Robertson: Fuckin' Goofy

Pat Robertson: Fuckin’ Goofy

OK, first he says if Chavez thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, maybe we outta just go ahead and do it… after all, says Robertson, it’s cheaper than starting a war.  Really?  Has he done a cost-benefit analysis?  Where are the spreadsheets, Pat?  Hmm?

Better: 24 hours later, he says he “never said assassination”, that he was “misquoted by the AP, which happens all the time.”  Er, Pat, the AP has quoted you exactly once in the past 5 months – so your definition of “all the time” and the definition commonly accepted by most bipedal humanoids’ are apparently at odds.  Of course, the fact that he’s on fucking tape advocating assassination, with that very word tripping over his lips, apparently is part of a vast left-wing conspiracy.

And part 3: (remember the Rule of 3 when it comes to Comedy:  this is a classic example) Reverend Asshole issues a written statement apologizing for saying that we should assassinate someone.  Uh, Hello?  Which is it, dingleberry?  You want us to assassinate him… or did you not ever say that… or you did say it, but you didn’t mean it?  In which case, why would you say it in the first place?

And this guy is the moral leader of the Christofascists?  Yeah, that tells you a whole bunch right there, don’t it?

Title 18 Section 2257

And they're off and running at Aqueduct...

Sure, everybody got a good laugh when "Auntie" John Ashcroft covered up those repulsive naked people in the rotunda of the DoJ. But this one goes beyond laughable - this one's knocking on the door of "Excuse me, has anyone seen Hester Prynne? About yay high, dressed in black - big red "A" on her breast? You can't miss her..."

Evidently blissfully ignorant of the fact that the U.S. Government does not own the Internet, Ashcroft plans to go ahead with prosecutions under this insane law. Now, the Free Speech Coalition won a temporary reprieve for their members back in June - but the agreement specifically included an out for Ashie's butt-boys to pursue non-FSC members.

In case you missed it, 18 USC Section 2257 basically says that anyone who publishes material containing certain body parts or sexual activities has to keep immaculate (pun intended) records about the models appearing in said materials. No big deal, right? Get a model to fill out the form and you're done.

Wrong.

Read this response from the Free Speech Coalition and you begin to see what the ulterior motive is. Selective Enforcement, anyone? Yup. If you happen to oppose the so called "Administration", the "War on Terror", or are just generally "undesireable" in the eyes of the Freedumentalists and their whole Redneck Jihadist crowd... guess what? "Your papers, please..." Missing one name? Have a middle initial wrong? You'll get the more-in-sorrow-than-in-anger treatment: "We hate to do this, but, you'll be spending some quality time in a penal facility."

If a chill didn't just run down your spine, you may want to check to make sure you still have one.

David Sirota - Great Post, PLUS he's a hottie

OK, the bottom of this post is a complete rip of David Sirota's post about the Downing Street Memo - I'm just reprinting it here in hopes that more people will read it and be just as nauseated by the whole thing as I am. Where did I put that damned Pepto?

The whole "Liberal Media" canard is hereby exposed for what it is. Nothing but a fucking lie cooked up by the usual suspects. Here's a little real-world test to prove my point:

Ask an average American the following:

1) What's the name of the woman that President Clinton misbehaved with?

2) What color was the dress?

3) Where did she buy it?

4) How much did it cost?

And I will bet my left testicle that a major percentage will get at least 3 out of 4 right.

Now... ask the same average American:

1) What is the Downing Street Memo?

2) Who wrote it?

3) What does it contain?

And you'd be lucky if they even knew which Downing Street you were referring to. Our vaunted "Liberal Media" made sure that people living under a fucking ROCK knew that the dress came from the GAP. But inform the public about an official government document laying out in detail what can only be called treason being perpetrated by the current administration? Ah, no - we've gotta find the fucking Runaway Bride!

Where's my passport?

(begin quoted material)

D.C. Elites: Lies About Sex More Important Than Lies About War

Atrios posts a 1998 story about the Washington, D.C. Establishment's outrage at Bill Clinton for his lying about the Monica Lewinsky scandal. What is truly nauseating is not the corrupt and cliquey insiderism - it is the outrage over lying about sex, and the subsequent silence we've all experienced from the media/political Establishment when it has come to the current administration's lying about war.

Here are some choice comments from the 1998 article:

"There has to be a functional trust by reporters of the person they're covering. Clinton lies knowing that you know he's lying. It's brutal and it subjugates the person who's being lied to. I resent deeply being constantly lied to." – Hardball's Chris Matthews

"The deep and searing violation took place when he not only lied to the country, but co-opted his friends and lied to them." – Reagan/Clinton adviser David Gergen

"What is troubling is the deceit, the failure to own up to it. Before this is over the truth must be told." – Sen. Joe Lieberman (who hasn't owned up to his own responsibility in pushing the Bush administration's lies about Iraq)

"The judgment is harsher in Washington. We don't like being lied to." - Washington Post columnist David Broder

"When you lie to the country, you are using your authority to undermine the presidency." – Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin (who, by the way, had no problem plagiarizing work and then lying about it).

Where is the outrage from these Beltway Establishment figures over the Bush administration's blatant lies about Iraq? Oh sure, you can find a scant example here and there, but generally, it's nowhere, especially considering the purported anger that D.C. elites claim to feel about being lied to.

If ever there was proof that these people are completely and totally out of touch with the rest of the country, this is it. And it will only get worse - the Washington Post is apparently going to run two "jumbo" stories on the Clinton lies, while continuing to relegate Iraq to the back pages. Because to insulated Beltway elites, lying about a personal sex scandal is more offensive to their cocktail party sensibilities than American troops dying for a pack of lies in Iraq.


Sources:
1998 Washington Post story about Establishment outrage over being lied to: http://atrios.blogspot.com/2005_05_29_atri...749107772753237
The Bush administration's clear lying about Iraq: http://www.americanprogressaction.org/site...WJcP7H&b=134880
The Bush administration's clear lying about Iraq, part 2: http://www.americanprogress.org/AccountTem...AIMFACT1029.HTM
Doris Kearns Goodwin attacks lying, then plagiarizes and lies about it: http://slate.msn.com/?id=2061056
Washington Post plans two huge pieces on the Clinton lies: http://www.americanprogressaction.org/site...WJcP7H&b=134880

Oy, vey, Maria!

So. Terri Schiavo is finally, happily, out of the reach of her crazed parents and their "Right To Life No Matter How Miserable and At What Cost" cronies.

More happily, it seems that the Worst. Pope. Since. The. Last. One. will be following close on her heels. My little Recovering-Catholic, former-altar-boy heart is doing the happy dance.

OK, that's 3 uses of the word "happy" in 2 paragraphs. I must be losing my touch.

Sorry if I seem callous. It's probably because I am. First, Terri Schiavo was brain dead. She was nothing more for the last 15 years than a bedwarmer. All the Christo-Fascists (Randall Terry, anyone? What the FUCK?) can whine and moan about how there could be a miracle cure and that Terri could come back any minute. Yeah. Amazing how y'all weren't there protesting, holding press conferences and calling family members "murderers" when no less than one hundred and fifty-two people were put to death in the Republik of Texas during Slappy McAsshat's term as Governor. Mind you, these were not people who were braindead. These were viable human beings put to death in your name. And there is compelling evidence that not a few of them were actually innocent. So, it's OK to stick a needle in someone's arm to send them to hell... but don't you DARE remove a feeding tube from a vegetable who died 15 years ago. Yeah, the logic is just crystal clear, isn't it?

Now, as for the Poop. I'm really, really glad he's going to die. Having put up with his bullshit for 27 fucking years, I'm only hopeful that the replacement isn't worse. Let's start with his On the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons in 1986 in which he proclaims gays to be "objectively disordered". Hello? You're running around in a dress and a beanie, surrounded by men and lots and lots of gold and artwork... and we're disordered? Get a fucking clue.

Then, there was "Regarding Legislation on Homosexuals" in 1999, exhorting US Legislators to deny gays & lesbians legal rights. Yeah, there's a guy I can happily cheer towards the grave. I'm thinking of setting off rainbow-colored smoke pots on my roof as soon as he reaches room temperature.

Freedumentalists practicing Evangeliberty

I couldn't hold that one in any longer. It's been percolating in the back of my prefrontal like a pop-rock in a glass of Tang.

Not satisfied to "preserve, protect and defend" here at home (like that would ever show up on his job evaluation under 'goals achieved'), now Slappy McAsshat has started his own Redneck Jihad.

It's our mission to spread freedom and liberty? Excuse me? Did I miss that exit on the Manifest Destiny Expressway?

Here's a thought, asswipe. How about a little freedom and liberty right the fuck here? Maybe, oh, I dunno, stop using the Secret Service as your own little Gestapo to clear public appearances of "undesirables". Here's a newsflash - you can't use taxpayer money for shit like that. Campaign money? Sure - it's fucked up, but not illegal. But check the calendar; you're NOT ON THE FUCKING CAMPAIGN TRAIL ANYMORE. You're a hideously overpaid and criminally stupid public servant, no matter what your girlfriend Condie might whisper when her mouth isn't busy with other tidbits.

Oh, and smooth move sending the li'l missuz out to help those poor unfortunate boys in the inner city. Don't suppose she'll be suggesting a career in our Glorious Military, do ya?

I'm seriously looking around for Rod Serling to start the intro for this episode...

Absinthe Makes the Heart grow Fonder

Well, it had to happen. After almost two months in self-enforced solitary confinement, I have, to quote Gen. Douglas MacArthur, returned. Please try to keep the cheers down to a dull roar. And how have I been occupying my time? I hear you ask. Yes, I can hear you. Amazing what they can do with SP2, innit?

Well, like most of the rest of you, I have been looking on in apalled bemusement as the Bushistas try to spin. They're way too much like that plate-spinner guy on the old Ed Sullivan Show... the more plates go up, the more that will inevitably come down. It just frosts my fanny that the innocent will pay, while those actually responsible continue to fiddle whilst the fire is lapping at the door.

Did I just use "whilst" in a sentence? Must be withdrawal...


What's that? Oh, he didn'thave any WMDs? No connection with "Al Qaeda", huh? Well, if I were you, I'd not worry my pretty little head over something as inconsequential as civil war, starvation, murder and torture... we've got more important things to consider... why did she break it off with Brad? Was it Angelina? A mystery woman? Now, that's really important.

But, not to worry... now that we've destabilized the situation in a manner akin to sticking a sharp stick into the business end of a hornet's nest, there are more draftees for the Jihad than ever before. Perhaps we should give them all a 2-year subscription to Entertainment Weekly to get them in the swing of things.

Sorry to beat a dead horse. You've all read the story, so I'm not even going to go to the trouble of counting it. Let's just say, I have a feeling I'll be getting quite a lot of reading done between now and June of 2008.

And for those keeping score at home, the Xmas show was a hit. I'm a certified celeb here in my adopted home town. Of course, I also think that Donald Rumsfeld is, in actuality, the Tooth Fairy.

Now that's a mental image I could well have done without. Please accept my apologies... I prescribe 30 minutes of really bad porn and a cherry cobbler to help you cope with the trauma.

The Joys of Holiday Time

OK, this is basically a post to keep the page updated. Sort of. I've been busier than the proverbial one-legged man at a butt-kicking contest (and, yeah, apologies in advance to all of you fucking whiny amputees out there who are gonna be offended. whatever.)

What have I been up to? Well, mostly I've been trying to squash 60 minutes of monologue into my rapidly-aging grey matter. The picture, I think, should speak for itself. And to think someone once told me that "The Theatre" was a noble profession. Little did I know that they had been snorting Ben Nye #5 for years.

So, yeah, it's going pretty well, and got a pretty good review, so I guess I shouldn't complain.

Anyway, that's where I've been. Still angry, but now wearing a fucking stupid hat. This is what I do for a living. Does that explain anything?

If you're dying for the details, here you go. Click on "Santaland Diaries"

Too bad condoms don't prevent influenza

I love this story - and not only because I was once a parishioner of St. Michael's in Brattleboro:

BRATTLEBORO, Vt. – When it came time for the communion offering at Thanksgiving Mass in St. Michael's Roman Catholic Church, the Rev. Stanley Deresienski blessed the sacramental bread and wine on the altar, preparing it for distribution among the 40 or so congregants.

But the wine never touched the parishioners' lips, for in the war against the flu, not even the sacred is spared.

The Roman Catholic Diocese of Burlington is the only one in the country that has formally asked priests to refrain from using the communion chalice and parishioners to avoid the usual handshake, hug or kiss when they make the sign of peace during Mass until the end of flu season, the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops says.

Welcome to Wacky World...

So, let's see... the Catholic Church believes only in abstinence, saying that promoting the use of condoms to prevent pregnancy and the transmission of HIV and other STDs is "immoral". And yet, it's perfectly acceptable to take measures, which to many Catholics are out of the ordinary, in order to presumably prevent the spread of the flu? Why is my bullshit detector reverberating like Tom DeLay's head does when struck with a mallet?
Maybe the flu bug is more evil than HIV? Perhaps this is acceptable because you don't have to use your "naughty bits" in order to catch this particular virus?
Isn't hypocrisy convenient?

From the Alternate Reality Division

US General calls for bolder action to stop Christian Fundamentalist extremists-
Doha, Quatar (AFP)

A top US general called for bolder international action to stop the spread of Christian Fundamentalist extremism, suggesting curbs were needed to prevent the Internet and other media from being used by groups like Focus on the Family.

"Why is it that people have the right to get on the Internet and spread this hatred and insanity without there being some curb, some law?" said General John Abizaid, the chief of the US Central Command.

Well, I can dream, can't I? OK, so I substituted "Christian Fundamentalist" in place of General Wankenheimer's "Islamic". Man, but my irony gland is working overtime here. After 11/2, I persisted in thinking that what we had here was just a failure to communicate. It's so much more than that. What we have here is a failure to inhabit the same universe.

The reality of this story beggars the imagination. The Freepers love making fun of Hollywood types who mix politics with celebrity - but just because a guy wears camo, I'm supposed to believe he's a genius? Um, "Rambo", anyone? Anyone?

Here's the deal. It seems that General Shitforbrains isn't too fond of the First Amendment. I know, I know, it doesn't apply outside the US. But, you would fucking think that a poo-bah in the US Military, a group charged with bringing "freedom and democracy" to those benighted peasants in Iraq / Afghanistan / (fill in next week's humanitarian invasion here), if he had enough brains to pound fucking sand in a rathole, would at least bother to know what the fuck he was talking about. Oh, wait, I forgot. His CiC is Slappy McAsshat. Nevermind.

So, General, we've single-handedly invaded another country with no provocation, and against International Law, and without UN approval, with not one fucking scintilla of evidence that Big, Bad Saddam had anything to do with 9/11. OK, with ya so far. Hmm, we've also "kicked the Taliban's ass" out of Afghanistan... but, kinda forgot to make sure that a stable government was in place to administer this fledgling McDemocracy. I thank you, and heroin addicts the world over who are getting high cheaper thank you, as well. As, I'm sure, does Osama Fucking Bin Laden, whose ass you were supposed to nail to a wall in the first place! Yes, I know, follow-through can be so inconvenient. Especially when it doesn't play well on Fox Newz.

And, having accomplished all of that in the last 3 years - now you tell us that all of this would have worked... if it hadn't been for those darned Islamic bloggers? Is it just me, or is he sounding like every bad guy in every episode of "Scooby Doo"? "And my plan would've worked, too... if it hadn't been for those pesky ragheads!" {shakes fist in air while being led away by strangely hunky cartoon cops}

Allow me to exercise my First Amendment rights, while I still fucking have them, and tell you directly, General Abizaid, that you sir, are a disgrace to your uniform, a disgrace to those you command, and the sooner somebody pulls your head out of your ass long enough to kick said ass up around your earlobes, the better off we'll all be.

Just imagine what the reaction here in the good ol' U S of A would have been if my first graph above had actually hit the papers. The sad part is, if the military can advocate for thought suppression in somebody else's back yard... how much easier it would be for them to make it come true in their own corner of the world.

Amazing that some people can watch "Dr. Strangelove" and think, "hey, yeah, that's the way the world should work."

Irony, How I love ya, How I love ya

So, I put this SiteMeter thingie on the bottom of the page. Which means I can actually count how many of you actually load this page into your browsers. I can also see what URL you came from... which is really interesting...

Especially this guy, whose claims to fame seem to be a) he's able to make some sort of sense out of sports stats, b) that he thinks they actually matter to anyone and c) his political views define him as being nothing more than a life support system for a gullet and a sphincter. And I am just shocked that he doesn't allow comments on his blog. Hmm.

I'm sure you can imagine my bemusement when I saw that URL in my "referrers" log. I guess that pesky "next blog" button has some unintended consequences. And I'm "bemused"? What the fuck is that all about? I should turn on Fox News for a minute to get my edge back.

For some reason, I also seem to be popular with manic depressives and guys flogging their mortgage refinancing business.

{sigh}

In the words of Hexacorde, who inexplicably has me listed in his blogroll, It sounds kinda cool, but actually it sucks.

God Hates 20/20

Sometimes I amaze myself with my ability to not reach a certain optimum level of anger. Just when I think that there's no possible way that I could get even this much angrier... I'm proven wrong. ABC's "20/20", a POS program since Hugh Downs left, is airing an "expose" about Matthew Shepard's butchers, claiming that he wasn't killed for being gay.

Uh-huh. And I suppose next we'll uncover shocking new evidence that the World Trade Center was destroyed because it was blocking the view of Staten Island? Maybe Ann Frank was sent to the camps to improve her penmanship? Are these freaks for real?

Well, fuck 'em. Play revisionist history all you want. Nobody with even an ounce of intelligence is going to buy it. Which means that 51% of Amurkins are gonna be sitting in the squalor of their double-wide breeder castles tonight, all smug and sayin' to each other, "Well, ya see, they killed that faggot 'cuz they wanted his money. Shit, I always torture Cletus and tie him to a fence and leave him for dead when I need some meth-money, too. Pass the pork rinds."

Do me a favor - check some of the amazingly hateful posts on ABCs message board.

Over and over, people keep telling me that "they don't hate gay people, they just aren't 'comfortable'." Yeah? Fuck you. As a matter of fact, I'm starting my own pet meme: these wastes of protoplasm should now and forevermore be referred to as "Flaming Fundies". Yup. And worse, they're not content to pervert the word of God with their behavior, but they actively recruit children! That's fucking sick!

Where am I going with this? I don't fucking know, I'm so pissed right now that I think I could really use a drink. Or a shotgun. Maybe both.

Don't watch the show. Or, watch it if you have a strong stomach and a very high double-think threshhold. Email these motherfuckers and let them know what you think. And please do not buy into the "love the sinner, hate the sin" oral diarrhea. Trust me, when they're through vilifying us gay folk, they'll find another target. And I really don't want to have to sit next to a bunch of liberal philosophy professors in the the Gulag God's Universal Love And Generosity camp.

The Joys of Being Angry

They are many, and they are satisfying, in a bile-spraying sort of way. Imagine my surprise when I learned that my first rant ended up on someone else's blog...

That someone happens to be Loaded Mouth. I've had him on my (admittedly short and selective) blogroll since I first started this thing. Aside from the fact that he can spew bile and filth with the best of us, he's a Lefty to Like. Plus he's from Rhode Island, near my old stomping grounds in Beantown. Hopefully he pronounces "ever" as "evuh". Anyway, thanks LM - I really did this as therapy more than anything. Now that I know people actually read this drivel, I'll have to start maintaining higher standards. Like, maybe wiping the spittle off the monitor before posting. You know, shit like that.